Day 4

Hi guys,

So I’m into day 4 now and I don’t want to smoke up. I gave away everything in my stash yesterday. I have been smoking a lot of cigarettes though.

Today has been charged with a lot of negative emotions. I am angry and frustrated and have been crying profusely. There are many things that I have not dealt with in the past few years, and have smoked up and managed to either shut them up or make alternate non-realistic scenarios that helped deflect them away. I guess some of these things are resurfacing now.

I have not been able to think properly especially about my work and club. I hold high positions in both and I’m required to think quickly and strategically, but I just can’t. I can’t help wondering whether I’m just not fit or I’m going through a withdrawal related episode. What’s getting to me the most is seeing how my peers are effortlessly identifying next steps and actioning them, when I feel crippled and extremely overwhelmed.

Is this normal?

 

Sincerely,

Hadil

5 Commentsto Day 4

  1. Hadil says:

    Hi Angel, I hope you're feeling better today. I totally understand what you are going through and it is completely normal. Things will get worse before they get better, not only better, they will get awesome. Living life sober and obtaining strength from the reality that you are independent of crutches such as smoking up just to get by and feel normal, or smoking up to feel happy, and realizing that you can be your happiest as you, without anything extra.

    Tomorrow I would have completed 8 weeks. I had to check my calendar and count before writing that because I have stopped counting.

    Depending on the extent of smoking up and your reasons for it, you may be brought to your knees mate, and forced to face some realities about life and yourself that are re-surfacing now that you're not suppressing them with a drug. I have gone through that, and mate, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. That is my all-time favorite cliché.

    Hope to hear from you soon,

    Hadil xo

  2. Angel says:

    Hadil,

    I'm experiencing the same thing right now. I'm on day 3 and have been angry and depressed all day. I hope you feel better soon!!

    Richie, so sorry you went back. I've been there, done that. Fortunately, quitting again will be easier the next time around since you've already gone through the motions. Viel Glueck!!

    xo

    Angel

  3. Hadil says:

    Hi Richie, thanks for your prompt reply, it made me feel a lot better. I have actually gone through all of your posts and the others as well, part of getting myself geared up for what's to come, and to remind myself that I'm not the only one going through this.

    I have to say that I am saddened by your relapse but I am confident that you will make the decision to quit and will beat it when you are ready, you are a strong person.

    I hope you don't mind me asking, how did you relapse? What was the reason? Nonetheless, whenever you decide to quit, I am here for you.

    All the best mate

  4. Joe Kennedy says:

    Your emotions and decision making abilities will definitely balance out with some more time Hadil. For me it was necessary to make sure that I got plenty of sleep – and eating right helped a lot too …

    RICHIE – so great to hear from you my friend! Sorry to hear that you went back to it, but no worries, you will give it up for good when you are ready! Please do keep posting – you help a lot of people and there are a number of us who want to know what's up with you …

  5. Richie says:

    Hi Hadil,

    I have been through all this and the anger and crying for practically no reason is all normal withing the 1st week or so. You are not crazy. I quit this new years and went through all the same. You can read all my posts to see how I felt and what I have been though to save me repeating myself here. 😉

    Unfortuntely I relapsed at Easter and am smoking daily again 🙁 but I plan on quitting again at the end of the summer after a few things that I have to do until then are done (selling house).

    I actually thought about it and actually chose to smoke again due to increased alcohol consumsion which I was using to compensate no hash which was making me always feel bloated and more unhealthy as I felt while smoking.

    But I will quit again at the right time as I have done it before and know I can do it again.

    Read my bloggs. They are very detailed.

    You CAN and WILL do it 😉

    Be strong,

    Love Richie

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