Marie QUITS! Day 2
Hi! got though day 2 with some urges, tiredness, anxiety, thoughts of smoking making it all better. Whew!
It wasn’t that bad but then again I was not a real heavy smoker. I would go through a gram or two a week. However, that was enough to make me feel like a slave, and make me feel below average health-wise, and to just have a sense of avoiding stuff in general- whether it’s thoughts or emotions, feeling of anxiety, etc. I do feel that it “works” to soothe anxiety, but the thing is that anxiety is just a symptom that something is wrong. When the smoke clears, the anxiety is still there, meaning the problems are still there. And they can get bigger as you avoid them over the years. Waiting gives the devil time…
Many times over the last year as I’ve quit for three months at a stretch I’ve focused on this, but I would have a bad day and think, “this is just too much, I really need to just give myself a break from this” and then smoke and feel a huge sense of relief from the discomfort. Then guilt, then back to the feeling of being trapped. Looking back, I see that the temporary relief was not only not worth it, but contributing to the ongoing avoidance of the “stuff” and therefore holding me back in numerous ways. It’s actually really depressing, and makes me cry with remorse and sadness over the loss!
Life is so weird.
Then again, I feel that all the pot smoking I did up until now was simply where I was at, and I am simply wanting to be elsewhere now. I want to grow more than I can while being trapped.
Oh by the way cutting way back on caffeine while quitting pot totally helps! I am so tired now, at 10:41. Usually I would need to smoke now to start to wind down but since I am not jacked up by caffeine I am feeling sleepy!
People, if you are quitting or thinking about quitting, watch out for the alcohol trap. I hear a lot of people drink more than they did, of course it’s a substitute for the numbing “relaxing” effects of pot. Alcohol doesn’t help you relax. It deadens your senses, yes, but it systematically destroys your own natural ability to relax and traps you into thinking you need it. I used to also have a problem with alcohol stemming from the various times I tried to quit pot. Over the years I was drinking more and more regularly, and I actually quit back in May and had no problems, because I read a book called The Easy Way To Stop Drinking. It SO worked on me and actually helped prepare me for giving up pot, too. Check it out! By Alan Carr.
Anyway, thanks to Joe for your support and for creating this blog. Day two, filled with reflection and just a little discomfort 😉