-Katie- The journey so far

I am giving up the green.

I’m going to try update every few days or so on how I am doing, how I am feeling, and what I am experiencing.

So here I go…

I don’t have a lot of will power.
Sucky – but that’s the way it is!

This will be attempt 4 of quitting – after around 6 or so years smoking “full time” I guess you could call it.

To try and explain what I mean by full time, here is what a typical day for me was like:
– Wake up, smoke a few cones
– Shower & get dressed, smoke more cones
– Hair and make up, smoke some more cones (by this point -8.30am- I would have smoked about a gram and a half)
– Go to work, watch the clock anxiously until 12.30pm (lunch time)
– Drive the 15 minutes it takes to get home, where I would smoke as much as I could I could in about 10 minutes (usually at least another gram)
– Skip food and head back to work, to continue watching the clock anxiously
– 5.00pm HOME TIME! 15-20 minute drive home
– Park my arse on the couch in front of some trashy TV show and smoke until dinner time (approx 8pm)
– Cook dinner, which was always whatever required the least amount of effort (smoking in between)
– Eat dinner – then straight back to the couch for more smoking until bed time (between 5.00pm and midnight I would go through anywhere from 3g – 5g.
– Go to bed, wake up and start over.
Every day…
Every single day…

Needless to say, this is not the life I had planned for myself.
Since I had (on July 1st 2011) reached one of the main “life goals” I had set for myself – become Managing Director of my own business – I decided it needed to stop… and now!

This time will be my last quitting ‘attempt’.

To combat my lack of will power in the first few days of quitting – which I knew from my last attempts would be the hardest – my partner and I travelled to Bali on holiday for 7 days.

I guess we figured if I was taken away from my ‘dealer’ and ‘smoking friends’ and completely distracted myself with activities in new surroundings that I wouldn’t struggle quite so much.
Thankfully I was right!

I am basically working on replacing my addiction with one of fitness (cross fit in particular) and a massive change in diet and lifestyle.

A hurdle I previously stumbled over was finding productive ways to fill in some of the spare time quitting is bound to create.

I have developed a keen interest in cooking and preparing food.
Not just any food – but healthy food!
90% of what I eat/drink is completely natural (no wheat, pasta, preservatives, additives etc..).

I am finding that since I now spend a lot of time researching and learning about new ways to cook, and to use food as a preventative for future illnesses etc. that I have much less time to even think about -let alone pay attention to- withdrawal symptoms.

I am also getting into fitness and exercise.
In the past I couldn’t run to the mailbox, but now I am training most days and feel -and see- myself getting fitter and stronger every day.
I even participated in an 8 kilometre fun run for charity! My time wasn’t the best at all (1hour 24minutes) but at least I ran the whole way and crossed the finish line!!

One of the other things that I found really difficult to deal with (and sometimes still do) is the bursts of frustration and even anger that seem to come from nowhere at all.
The slightest thing would send me into almost a fit of rage.
I would snap at my partner for absolutely no reason at all (luckily he stood beside me through all the crazy)

This was the main reason I gave up on quitting in the past.
Being angry and frustrated is not who I am, or who I want to be.

There are several things that I used to almost distract myself from these mood swings.
I took up playing Call Of Duty 2 on the PS3 with Chris – yep, really!
Now when I feel myself getting worked up I can jump on the PS3 and take out my frustration on killing zombies- rather than the people (and material things) around me.
I do understand how silly that sounds, but whatever works for you… Right?!

It is now 1.50pm in Australia and I am on day 17.

So far I have noticed my memory has improved, my reaction times are faster, I no longer almost cough up a lung every morning, I have much more energy!!

Anyway that’s about where I am at so far…
Will check back soon 🙂

Peace, and keep moving forward!!

Katie x x

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