Marie QUITS! Day 3
I had some actual thoughts today to “score” and luckily got a supportive note from Angel! Whew.
Actually today was super productive. I am unemployed right now so that’s saying a lot! I have many excuses to smoke, but even more to NOT smoke. My throat is sore today, maybe that’s from the flu like drip (yuck) irritating my chords? I am a singer and this is NOT good. Smoking is actually the worst thing for my chords, so why would I even do such a thing???? I guess I thought it relieved anxiety. Turns out, it has been creating and expanding anxiety – brilliant!
Tonight I went to see my favorite singer, Susanne Sundfor. She is from Norway and played at a tiny club here in LA (she sells out big concerts in Europe). It was her first US tour and there was definitely a feeling that next time she is here it will be a much bigger venue and much harder to get tickets, and of course much harder to get close to the stage. Man, I was so happy to not be stoned, for I know I will remember this concert clearly which is important to me. I actually felt really tripped out and high from the actual music, more so than on weed. It’s really hard for those who have not taken the step to quit to understand that.
The book “The Easy Way To Stop Drinking” talks about all the life events that alcoholics associate with having a beer or whatever, like this: Drinkers think that weddings, parties, concerts, dinner out at a nice restaurant, etc are naturally coupled with drinking and they can’t imagine not drinking at those events because it is how they have a good time. The author points out that THOSE EVENTS ARE FUN, it’s not the alcohol. He describes how little kids of course don’t drink at these events and they have a perfectly good time! He illustrates the process of kids arriving at a kids party: A bunch of kids get together and, at first, when they are arriving, they are shy, their little bodies are tense, they look around, slightly afraid… exactly the way adults FEEL when they arrive at a party! But what do the adults do? They grab a drink (or smoke). The kids? They just sort of… dip their toe in, the shyness subsides quickly and before you know it they are running around playing and screaming. Adults have just fallen into the trap and think they NEED a drink to unwind, because that’s what drugs do, trap you into thinking you need them and systematically destroy our ability to function without them. They have been taught to begin experimenting with these things as a teen or young adult by the marketing campaigns of alcohol, by pop culture, films, t.v., by the example of their parents, etc.
I find this useful in quitting smoking pot which is harder for me to quit, admittedly, than alcolhol was. Pot is my “drug of choice” as they say. As if there was ever a choice in the first place. We ceased to have an actual choice soon after the first time getting high. Well maybe we’ve identified two choices: Smoke, and be trapped, OR. don’t smoke, and live a life that is kind of boring.
That is also a trap, because when you only have two choices, that’s not actually choice, in the sense of having freedom. I am going to continue making the choice each day to be FREE. Free of feeling like I can’t have fun or enjoy otherwise enjoyable things without weed. in fact, I am going to be free to enjoy things even more, way more, than when in the weed trap.